connecting and discernment

Yesterday, I had the blessing of meeting with with three individuals from my not so distant past. Two ex-coworkers (in person) and a lovely long distance phone call from a good friend across the water. All three of these women have graced me with friendship. I am humbled. I am thankful for all of them.

All three of these people listened to me wonder aloud "what the heck am I doing?".

It has become abundantly clear that I have to make some decisions about work. Now, I thought I had made the decision but I continue to keep talking about how frustrated I am. I need to either settle into my job and realize that this is the job I have - sure it is not quite the job I thought I was getting - but there are some very good things. Or I must actively look to make a change.

I cannot keep complaining.

So, I have requested all three pray for discernment. My friend across the water said focus specifically on the question for 3 days and then be prepared to hear the answer.

Also, do I really want the answer?

Because, part of my indecision is that I may have to make a change - stretch - grow - be challenged in new ways - and I am quite reluctant. I really would prefer to stay and have them change the position. That is NEVER going to happen.

To be perfectly frank - I fear the change. I feel stretched already... surely I cannot be stretched any more.... and yet my faith teaches me and I know from experience that it is not the challenge but how we respond to the challenge. We are never given more than we can carry. We need to ask for help. But, that is part of the experience - recognizing that when we are incapable of doing it by ourselves. God is there to pick us up and carry us when we are too tired/ frustrated/ paralyzed by fear to move forward.