best laid plans

I don't do well when my plans are disrupted/ interrupted/ changed by something out of my control. It is a weakness of mine. I know that I need to learn to be more flexible. The funny thing is that when it happens to someone else and it impacts me - I am good with it. I can roll. But, if is me directly - then I can feel my blood pressure rise. I get extremely frustrated by the knowledge that I am not in control.

So, what happened you ask? I have a middle ear disturbance. Vertigo. I have had it once before. It is LAME. You feel like you are walking on a ship that is in the middle of a storm. The horizon moves before you. The world spins like no tomorrow. Nausea sets in. I cannot drive anywhere. Trips get canceled. I need to ask for help. I need to interrupt other lives. Life gets put on pause.

I know that I should be thankful for the opportunity to rest. And in the big scheme - my plans are just little plans and that the world will continue and the sun will continue to rise and set if I don't travel into the city and visit my sister. That the boys will get the work done without my help. That my daughter will get picked up by her grandmother. I know this but I am not happy about it.

Do you see the tulip tree? The leaves are changing colour. We had a big freeze and the summer is over. The flowers are gone. The remaining pots need to be dumped and cleaned and put away till spring. The outdoor furniture must be packed away. Transition time.

I am baking a ham and we shall eat scalloped potatoes. Well, the family shall. Not really very hungry myself at the moment.