Now more than ever I am conscious of the two distinct lives I lead. The extra day off allows home life to take on its own vibe. I am home for 3 days. The other 4 days I am at work. They are long days. By sheer necessity I keep them distinct in my mind. Work is crazy busy. I need to be focused and on. I need to be aware and present of what I am doing.
And I need to be that at home too. But, it is a different focus. And at 3am - my thoughts bleed into each other. That is the crazy hour I wake up and my mind floods with all the things I have done, need to do. All the things that I could possibly worry about - random bits from both of my lives.
I am struggling with the division.
I fear I sound like I am whining. I do not want to sound like a complainer - because I have so very much to be grateful for. We are hitting a cross roads with our children. They are in that difficult place where the decisions they make now lasting impacts. The choices they make are critical. Which is not to say that there is no going back. There is always time to change the course but, the reality that is that they are in control of their lives. They too have to decide to show up.
3 comments:
you don't sound like you are whining....
you are continually becoming and reflecting and trying to be intentional and authentic. that's admirable.
no doubt your children are doing the same it just looks different .
I think with God there are always second chances. I know my teen years were rough but God had mercy and rescued me from situations that would of destroyed me; may He continue to protect us all, even from ourselves or things outside of ourselves...
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